#03 I've given you my best, ex-bff.

As you can see from above, the title of the blog. Yes, I've lost a BFF. Well, not really lost, as in literally lost this (I can say)great relationship/friendship we shared.
Not as if I've totally lost her, well, just kind of "kicked her out" of my BFF list. Sounds lame....but whatever la k. Just take it as "The BFF List " k :/ We're still friends. I just think that she's no longer my BFF whom I can share my thoughts, secrets,... just someone I can trust. Just good friends. (FYI, to me, a BFF is a TRUE FRIEND)

People come and go, just get used to it and live with the life that has been destined for you.

Yeah. This is life.

I lost one more friend whom I can trust, whom I can believe that she'll be there whenever I need her. Yeah, that's pathetic. I don't pity myself..., I just find it a pity.

Throughout these few months/years/weeks/days, I dare to say I've gave you almost all of my best. I may have pissed you off, I may have hurt your feelings, but I have never left you when you need someone by your side or at least, when you're at your worst or when you need help/ a listening ear / advicer (though I'm not really good at it).

And I can say you did too, I really loved you and enjoy being with you.

After thinking over and over and over and over and over (and it goes on and on and on....) again during these few weeks/days, I guess you've changed.
NOT BECAUSE YOU'VE STOPPED LIVING MY WAY. (fyi, you've never) 

but, it's because of your behavior towards me. You started ignoring me, started leaving me out, started hiding things from me, you even started to make me feel hopeless.
Every time I tried talking, my voice will eventually fade away... because you don't care, you don't give a f*ck bout me anymore. That's not what a bff will do..... 

All you do is ___________________________________________________. Yes, these.  

AND I REALLY FEEL HEARTBROKEN. BECAUSE YOU ARE MY BFF. And I least expect it to be coming from you...

Guilty? I hope you are. I don't feel guilty at all. Okay, maybe a little, but I think you should be! Cause someday, when you're alone or what and something reminds you of me, I bet you'll miss those times. 

I will miss you of course, in fact, I feel very moody(maybe furious) whenever I think about us, babe..... I think bout us everyday....... I'm serious.

In the meantime, I hope you'll live well, be happy and stay safe. I'm sure you would too. :) 

Thinking to myself: 

" When will people ever stop leaving me? "

Whether or not people leave me because of my attitude or my personality, I still really don't understand why..... I have my shortcomings, you have too, and I believe that if both parties compromise, it'll be better. BUT WHY?  Why can't we...? I don't know.
I dare to say, I have always tried compromising with some of the people who really matter to me, and apologise (even if I really feel that I need not) just to salvage the friendship I really treasure. 

I know some of the people wouldn't forgive so easily, because he/she would think that "Sorry? No cure." . If so, then tell me what are the other words I can use to verbally express how apologetic I feel?
And it is really extremely difficult for me (and lots of people out there) to face that person and apologise. Swallowing my pride and say "Sorry" sincerely with all my f*cking heart and try to suppress those annoying tears..It's really difficult.

 Sometimes, when I want to apologise, thoughts like : "What if I get ignored?" "What if he/she thinks that I'm not sincere at all?" What if this and that..... 

It is definitely not like those "oh, sorry!!" kind of apology you'll always say when you for example: accidentally stepped on someone / over some trivial things. 

It is those kind of 'critical' apologies that can maybe salvage a friendship, or what.... It's totally different, and I believe EVERYONE would know this.

And I reallyreallyreally think that people shouldn't give up on a friendship over one incident. People deserve chances. Two times may not be enough, really... 

We can't always be perfect and not make mistakes that'll discontent people right? You, yourself can't, so why expect it from people? That's being unfair.... Unless that person did it for a lot (and I really mean a lot, a lot) of times and it's really unforgivable, I think you should open up your heart and forgive this friend (provided he/she apologise) , embrace this friendship all over again... Maybe you (and your friend) can still remain as friends, but definitely not strangers or worst, enemies.

Life's too short to hold on to too much grudges. Life's too short to hold back words that should be said. Life's too short for us to feel unhappy. Life's too short.

Contradicting post. Well, I felt really troubled for weeks already. Can't hold on anymore. :'( 

But no matter what, if by any chance, we can be bffs again, I will surely grab on to that chance/ whateveryoucall thing as if it's the guy who robbed me. KEKEKE. 

And to people out there, if I've ever pissed you off / upset you , IM SINCERELY SORRY. 

P/S This post was published late.