#09 Kill me.

It's been a long time since I've last blogged.
So it's obvious that I really need to let it all out here since I've no one to talk to. Maybe for now.


School's been extremely f*cking draining so far. I always go home exhausted/ half dead. x.x
By the time I'm home, I can't concentrate on my homework/revision anymore. Too tired, no time.
Hmmm, anyway, I think I'll probably get used to it soon. I hope I will, ASAP.


Today's the "Black Friday". I don't really believe in these..but, today, I think I'll just believe it for ONCE.


I HATE MYSELF TODAY.
The biggest problem lies in me. Always. I admit, I won't deny either.
I've never worth any effort put in by people to love, care or help me.
I've thrown away the pride. I've waste the efforts. I've done wrong.
I've committed the same mistake all over again.
Why am I always like this? Why can't I learn from all my past mistakes?
Why.


I really admit, I'm sure, I'm the biggest failure of all C. I'm the biggest let down to the T.
I'm the biggest disgraceful P.
I can never push myself hard enough. I only care for myself. I'm too selfish.
I'm so much of a fucker.


However, speaking of all these, at least I've done some things. Maybe one or two. Doesn't matter.
What I really want was some encouragement, a little encouragement from AOY.
Yeah, some did la. But.... Never mind.
No matter how much I say, some people will think I don't worth it.
I know, I am to blame. But... No offence. ___________________?


NEXT!!!!!!
-Everybody has their own problem(s). Different people have different problems too.
Just because some people don't always complain loudly in public about how troubled they're, it doesn't mean they're living a very blissful life.
It doesn't mean other people aren't facing any problem. Get it?


Sometimes, I think I've had enough. Enough of your nonsensical attention-seeking personality.
Really. Not because I'm annoyed or jealous of all the attention/sympathy you get after complaining, but it's really getting over board.
You're complaining like nobody's business, like, the whole world's against you. Like the whole world's living in bliss & happiness, and you're just one lonely soul who's forever helpless.
She also face problem, but I don't see her whining and all. I don't see her NOT helping other people.
I don't think she should be blamed. She faces problems, she faces pressure too.
Not only you. GET IT?


I'm very, super duper selfish, but I think you're even more selfish. End of verdict.
Sorry to say.
I've got enough of your hot and cold attitude too. Thanks ah, buddy C.